im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
