I am in a vortex of obligation.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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