we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
