so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
