happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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