Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
