watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
