Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
