she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
