if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
