told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
