How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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