this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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