I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
