I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
