fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
