You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
