I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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