New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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