i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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