My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
