How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
