This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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