now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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