I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
