True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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