thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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