Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
