I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
