addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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