Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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