:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
