Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
