fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My feet surprised me
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