Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
