i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
