I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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