Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
