Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
