Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
