i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
