Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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