ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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