its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
