then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
