All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you traded sex for a burrito?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
