So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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