hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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