My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
