I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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