I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
