I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
