My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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