Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
